Not a year to to day

How refreshing to be posting more frequently than I did last year, though I would certainly prefer to be posting 12 times a year versus 1 or 2.

Xaye is reaching towards the end of 3rd grade, reading Wimpy Kid books, Alvin Ho, watching Harry Potter, loving Bricks 4 Kidz, and studying about dinosaurs while completing prezis for classroom assignments.

He struggles with his friendship with Dylan, which is absorbed in efforts to change the subject from video games to other interests, leading to "you are interrupting me" as the standard response from his peer.

He has really enjoyed his classroom experience this year and likes Ms. Stewart a great deal. He has widened his social network at school and feels connected to his peer group.

Soccer has been a strength this year, with an increased effort to be a team player (while still working out his sillies with some of his teammates).

He has started saving money for weeks in an effort to buy bigger items, and he is learning how to keep his room in better order so he can access the ipod he received for his 8th birthday and the computer games he enjoys.

He plays cooperatively with Q most of the time and when they have conflicts, he is either flexible or rigid, more often flexible, and tries to reach compromise with Q.

Q is also enjoying soccer, preparing for kinder, and trying to tie his shoes so he can get a treat with Bubbe. Bubbe has been adventuring with the boys together and enjoys their company.

Both boys love to read and Q continues to carry unicorn with him, often on his head, while sucking his thumb.

There is a great deal of building and inventing in the backyard and both boys are itching to ride their bikes more often.

More soon(er) than later!

Is this thing on?

Xaye has become quite skilled in pushing buttons - to watch him set up his brother and then sit back and watch chaos ensue.....no words can describe his quick thinking - however, simply a look his way will confirm his guilt - he has no concept of a poker face.

Quincy is enamored with his brother, and we notice that he will make great strides to be included in Xaye's play, especially when Dylan is around. This is when Quincy finds himself the odd man out - and when Pop or I console Quincy, the other boys are quick to ingratiate themselves, once Pop or I remove ourselves from the situation, Quincy is once again, the third wheel.

This summer Xaye is participating in 4 different camps - an opportunity to get a sense of what he enjoys most. He is attending science camp and nature camp this month, art and natural history camp next month.

Xaye is consumed by legos and his room is filled with signs about buying, selling, and trading legos.

Quincy is most interested in cars, trains, and whatever Xaye is interested in.

While the boys have tried to share a room, it has not been a success - Xaye will provoke Quincy into a case of the sillies and land him back in his room, his room is a mess and he can't have 'company', or Quincy simply can't stay in his room after being tucked in, forfeiting him from a sleepover.

Stay tuned....

The tangled web we weave....

Xaye's friendship with Dylan continues to evolve, as those around Dylan begin to see him in a new light - as a sophisticated learner and a steadfast adventurer.

Today Xaye spent the day exploring in the arroyo near Dylan's apt - and Xaye is already planning for the next visit (he has a list of tools they will need).

Talia suggested we take the kids out and do something fun, as a group, in triads - what a wonderful idea - Xaye and I are plotting; bowling, putt putt, maybe the nature center too?

As a second grader, Xaye is confident about who he spends his time with, and outspoken about what is important to him. He appreciates his little brothers company, but not his 3 year destructive tendencies, and he appreciates his privacy and guards it fiercely.

He is excited about the inevitability of Lego land and continues to acquire legos (although if Quincy is into trains when we are shopping, Xaye is easily swayed, without coaxing).

At night we like to curl up together and read books with one another, and Xaye is increasingly willing to narrate stories for Quincy and I.

Quincy is precocious and will open threaten to wet his pants when other efforts do not get your attention. He loves to dance, takes risks without batting an eyelash, and Xaye is always at his heels when a new opportunity arises.

Summer with the boys

Recently Xaye confided in me that he thinks Quincy does everything before him. He also noted that he is willing to try things when he sees Quincy do them. I wonder if this is his observation, or him overhearing our observations?

He is so astute - so clued in to every nuance. He is quick to smile when he is not being truthful and quickly responds with body language that owns his actions - even when his words deceive him.

Quincy loves to push his brother's buttons, and then quickly mocks or mirrors the behavior. There are phases of good days and hard days - and more are good than hard - which I am grateful for.

Quincy's vocabulary and has extended - and he is incorporating more descriptive words into his speech - 'cool, amazing, wow, what says that?, what that is?, is it my turn (we take turns listening to music in the car), set the timer (when he is going to his room)....it goes on and on. He is determined to seek the outcome of his preference and will test repeatedly to try and see if you will cave. He does it with bed time, bathroom use, finishing a meal, getting in the car, getting dressed....he is doing a great job being 3.

Xaye has been excited about their birthdays all summer, and his is just a few days away. He and Dylan will co-celebrate this year, and he is excited to be sharing a party with his good friend. He has been mulling over the perfect gift for weeks now....

Jerome's schedule is changing this month and it will be interesting to see how our separate relationships with the boys evolve -

Camping with the Boys

Back to Villaneuva, year 2. Our trip was abbreviated as we squeezed in the house inspection on Thursday evening and left early Friday. The boys played in the water and Dylan and Xaye had increasing independence in their play. The water was barely deep enough for the tubes and there were many discoveries, including a water snake, fish, and a mournful cry of a fox looking for her pups (it sounded like a trapped cat - the Camp Host told me not to worry, nothing living out here has the chance to be distressed, animals are consumed and you hear their last cry before that happens. nice).


Watching the boys play was a delight - so confident - Quincy swam, Xaye explored, and Dylan climbed 1/3 of the way up the rocks - thrilling himself as he afterwards proclaimed "That gets a high five!'.



At home Quincy continues to bat us each around as he alternates button pushing with demanding screams and gestures of exasperation. Yesterday he stormed into my closet 3 times in 5 minutes when I told him I couldn't understand his demands. "I am not talking to you". he told me as he whirled and stomped off.

Q continues to exasperate Xaye, and there are moments when I can catch his eye and help him see the reality - and we both laugh as Q tries to provoke him. At other times Xaye is at a loss - he scratches, hits, stomps on Q's feet, and relents as every toy he had is claimed and he storms off.

At the pool the boys are both fish - Q with his arm floats (worn for the first time this week - his face lit up when he realized his autonomy) and Xaye with his snorkling mask (which saves him the trouble of plugging his nose).

The definition of insanity

Is repeating the same thing and expecting different results.  This is true for me, as I post a year later (again) and for my son, who continues to intermittently test us, always alternating, and even though he does it repeatedly, it is SO HARD not to react in frustration - which is exactly what Jerome and I see one another doing.

Xaye is a kind, sensitive, bright kid who is concerned about equity and quick to increase his intensity to ensure we are mindful of his perspective (even when the delivery is less than savory).

He has grown tremendously in 1st grade: a falling out with Dylan, voicing his frustration about conflict, and wondering if they could stay friends (and being willing to say this out loud and ask for advocacy regarding this concern).  They were able to reconcile and now include their younger siblings in their events: we alternate sleepovers with Talia and Chris - and this summer plan to do so for each dyad's delight: the entire house to themselves.

Xaye has noticed peers who are very kind and brave and spoken highly of them, he has also recognized kids who struggle and voiced concern for their success - and what they do to get in the way. The other day he came into the room and said 'mom, i just want to be sure we are on the same page.....'

When gardening with his first grade class, he was confident and knowledgeable about gardening and was complimented by teachers for his awareness. He has been an incredible model for Quincy; taking turns, sharing, listening well, cooperatively cleaning up, offering to help, offering to share with Quincy, encouraging Quince to use the potty, I could go on and on.

With Love and Logic Jerome and I are better parents - it is a dream come true. Room to grow? Always - but i feel grounded and confident in the way we navigate the kids.  Xaye often repeats L and L phrases and uses the same tools with his brother and friends at school.

I have heard him repeatedly interact with kids who comment on his nail polish and judge him. He says, with complete confidence, and a calm manner, "i like to have colors on them, there is nothing wrong with that. it is not only for girls". If they repeat themselves or try again, he looks away, disinterested, and shrugs.

amazing.

Every time we shop, he buys something for himself and for quincy. EVERY TIME.

When quincy was sick with hand, foot, and mouth this spring, xaye worried over him and had more patience with him - it was very sweet. he encouraged quincy to play and when quincy was uncomfortable, xaye sat and read with him or they watched tv together.

they are well paired, and as quincy gets older, it is getting increasingly easy for them to get along.

Quincy is affectionate, silly, daring, determined, and endearing. He is beginning to gesture when he talks, looking SO serious, and it is hard not to grin as you listen to him.

Xaye has become a better person because he is impacted by his brothers bravery and daring. Xaye is a much stronger swimmer and climber, and uses a 2 wheel scooter this year with confidence. this is all because when xaye sees quincy try something, he is inspired and determined. it is a healthy competition that pushes an older child to feel more confidence from someone else's success.


Xaye recently talked about wanting to be called "xavier" instead of xaye - I think the process of self discovery is so fascinating, and I remember the evolution of my name, Jennifer, Jenny, Jen, Willis.......

I wonder also for Quincy if others will see him as Parker.

The difference between this posting and the one from last year? I am not insane.

I can't believe it's been a year

Since my last post for Xaye. He has grown in so many ways this year - coming to understand what to do when a friend makes unkind choices, dealing with natural consequences (paying for rides home), meeting new friends and having a successful kindergarten year, and being a phenomenal big brother.

he just wants to play with quincy - and guide him, look out for him, help him out, encourage him, and share with him.

he is kind, patient, and easily emotional if quincy is demanding. (which he often is).

He loves to watch bugs, can't wait to go swimming, enjoys drawing scenes above and below the earth (especially the ocean).

he is determined to be treated with equity when it comes to quincy and does not advocate for special treatment as an older child. he has adjusted his bedtime, at times, to align with his brother's.

he loves dogs and talks about having one as a pet - and he can't wait for his ants to arrive in the mail. he loves sleepovers with dylan and playdates with cooper and ryan - and jaylyn down the street.

he recently saw the watcher players and had forgotten who they were.

he asked how many statues of liberty can fit in the meteor crater in western NM.

he wants to know why the moon is different sizes throughout the month.

this year when he has been teased about his hair, nailpolish, or other things, he has been confident to walk away or disagree with the person.

he tells me 'i find someone else to play with'.

i need to start a blog for quincy - and i am shocked i am realizing as he turns 2 that i haven't written for him as i have for xaye - just as we are warned as second-time parents, and something i didn't want to believe about myself!